I am nearly 75 … which means for about 57 years I have lived to regret and carried with me the spiritual, mental, psychological and social scars of abortion. Additionally I can not perceive how any man could fully appreciate the impact this act of killing has on a female.

In my ignorance and lack of understanding of life and death, of right and wrong, of good and bad, of healthy and unhealthy, of acceptance and denial I chose abortion to ‘get rid’ of something (someone) I had conceived.

Few days have gone by that I didn’t regret these acts – girls, young women, please think twice – this act is NOT something you would want to live with as I have.

The one I didn’t abort, turning 50 last December and who I only found in April of that 2018, where he’d been born, in Canada, died in June 2018 – and even so, given the back-ground I had already laid for myself.

I bore him, my partner refused involvement and as a naive, young inexperienced woman, went along with it …. also regretted for all of my life – these things have, for me, ruined my life. I tend to understand why this child I bore lost his life, a result of abandonment which I know as a fact. Some people would say “just deserts”, others “karma”, others “you get what you negotiate” or as you sow, so you reap”. They are all valid, true and real.

The last straw for abortion (albeit a primitive act of the times) was seeing this tiny foetus pretty much fully formed after just a few weeks, as I flushed β€œIT” down the toilet – try forgetting these images.

In short, whichever way abortion is viewed it is MURDER. There is a beating heart from day dot and there are no ways around that.

This discomfort with myself, particularly regarding abortion, has held me back, prevented good relationships, stymied my conscience, changed my psyche, made me very certain about these things.

There are plenty of people who would cannot bear children – if you can’t bear to keep yours please let it live. In the days I speak of there wasn’t social welfare support, counselling, parent support, psychological support – and now “at my age” I have recently sought psychological support for this very reason – and yet, those deeply buried scars rear their ugly heads as there is no getting away from the facts.