I am now 82 years of age and had an abortion 41 years ago, during my marriage.This has also given me many years to assess my decision.

I was afraid to give birth to a Down’s Syndrome baby as there was a family link and also I put my secure well paid nursing job that I loved, above being a mother again.( I already had three children)

For many years I  have lived with denial,self recrimination and I became avoidant and fearful that someone would find out what I had done so I ‘shut up.’ Mistrust of others meant I learned not to be open with anyone who might inadvertently disclose my secret.This lead to isolation from workmates and I did not socialise. So loneliness developed into self sufficiency which in turn increased my isolation.

My internalized suppressed anger has resulted in many things – hypersensitivity, impatience, being touchy, irritability, and being ‘unbearable to be around’ with perfectionist expectations.

Disappointment in myself,that I deprived my three children of a sibling to love (they are now adults and do not know of my abortion)

My regrets have lasted a lifetime,it was a very dark time when I choose to take another’s life away.